Sunday blogging

Apologies for not posting much in the last little bit -- too much on my mind to sift through to get down without a fair bit of reflection.

I love my internship site -- it's a wonderful place to learn, and the people are so concerned about how my family is that they often forget to ask how I am -- it's cute, really. They love my wife and indulge my children. This is good. The Boy's developed a habit of ficus molestation on Sunday morning. There's a ficus beside the altar. Every Sunday service, the Boy toddles up to the ficus, looks out at the congregation, grins, looks at his daddy (who is waving his hands in the air trying to divert his attention), and pulls one leaf off the ficus. Then he runs triumpantly down the aisle back to mommy before daddy can really get a good line to nail him with a well-thrown hymnal.

(for those Lutherans of you wondering, we use the new red book. So, it's not like it would be a loss to abuse one or two.)

Very amusing is when I ask people if they want to have coffee with me outside of Sunday mornings at church. There's a brief moment of eyebrow-lifting surprise (like they're thinking what? what am I going to be volunteered for now?", and then an intriguing "this could be interesting..." sort of acceptance. It's a personality failing, really -- I absolutely love talking and visiting with people without an agenda. Even with an agenda. I needed 200 clinical hours to complete my Clinical Pastoral Education and I finished with around 280.

So in my first experience in a seriously urban congregation my rural roots are showing. Ah well. Apparently every-member visits happen sometime in January, so maybe I can get some serious chatting done then.

On another note, I don't really think I've honestly wanted to be anything other than a pastor since I was a teenager, which leads to a unique challenge for me -- part of this internship experience (as explained to me) is to reflect, opine, and discern whether or not there is an external calling for me in the church -- that is, although there may be no doubt as to my internal call (my relationship with God that I feel calls me into ministry), I apparently should discern my relationship to the church more fully.

Except there's one problem with that. I love the Church. It's true. I love the ELCiC, even though it frustrates me sometimes to the point of pulling out what's left of my hair (so does my wife; that's part of the point). So, I've always looked forward to internship as a more practical experience -- not to learn from scratch, but to get effective and useful feedback on what I already know and do, plus learning some new skills through trial and testing. So now I feel like I should reassess this whole shindig from scratch. meh. Like I reassess and reflect often on whether or not I still feel called to be married. (and please, don't post annoying comments reading into that comment -- I will bite anyone who does...)

Two challenges in the last little bit. A friend was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. She and her spouse have a baby a little younger than Boy2, so I'm more than a little angry with God. Not that I have any right to be, no, I realize that -- but it's still very difficult to pray for them beginning with anything other than "Dear God, what the f#$k?" I am tremendously thankful that the relationship I have with God is one that leaves me space to be angry without fear. Of course, I majored in anglo-saxon while working as a bouncer through my undergrad. Everyone prays to God in their own language, right?

And I'm headed down south to go with my mother while she has an MRI. She has an as-yet undiagnosed degenerative bone and joint disorder -- like rheumatoid arthritis, but not that exactly. So I pray for clarity of diagnosis, if not healing.

So, three weeks into internship and this is where I'm sitting. I'm preaching next week, so I'll post that sermon in the future.

Apologies for no pictures of the Boys lately, but we lost the rechargeable camera batteries in the move. The ones in the camera are dead and I'm too cheap to buy more. So be patient.

So, ciao. And remember, verbum domini manet in aeternum.