kids

For those of you who want kids but don't, as of yet, have them, be aware.

They are an incredible blessing. They are wonderful, incredible little human beings.

They also wake you up at 4:48 in the morning to get them a cup of juice.

It starts when your Boy gently pokes your eyeball, to see if it's open. Then, because he's unfortunately smart, he realizes that daddy can't actually see anything unless daddy's wearing his glasses.

So you get those, and then poke daddy in the eye with them. Satisfaction! Daddy groans, and rolls over.

But then goes back to sleep. So you sit on the edge of the bed and snuggle daddy for a little bit. Just in case there's hard feelings from the night before last. When you came unexpectedly into the bedroom.

And found him and mommy in the midst of a vicious wrestling match.

without (ahem!) pants.

and you grabbed daddy's big toe to save mommy, and screamed, and cried, and were generally inconsolable that your daddy would be so heinous as to attack mommy! So you've slept in their bedroom the last couple of nights, just to prevent further violence and out of concern for mommy's welfare.

But after a few snuggles you realize that daddy may just need pants. So you grab the first pair you find. and give them to daddy, but because you know that daddy's not wearing his glasses, you need to put them close to daddy's face.

So you throw daddy's ugly, stinking work pants (that daddy, because he is a dumbass, did not put in the hamper upon changing) on his head.

That achieves your preferred goal. You get your juice.

And then climb back onto the bed beside mommy, being careful to take up all the room, because you just can't really trust daddy around mommy. Then you fall back asleep.

And daddy mutters something about taking 'holy orders' and goes out to the couch for a few extra minutes sleep.